Friday, June 12, 2009

Funniest Craigslist Ad EVER!

Weight bench with 125lbs of metal and vinyl weights - $50 (Central Saanich)

This is a small (apartment sized) press bench with a shortened straight bar and about 125lbs in weights. there are two 25lb metal plates, all the rest are concrete filled vinyl. One of the 10lb vinyl weights has a cracked casing but still holds all its weight. This set is ideal for a small space.

The price is $50 OBO. For the love of God, people, that's a good deal. I hardly want your first born and your collection of Fabergé eggs. I swear if one more person offers me $7 I will c*ckpunch him.

I listed this set about a month ago, and was deluged with idiotic questions from every "West Shore" imbecile who is capable of mashing a Cheetoh-stained keyboard. Want to hear from every tweaked, mouth-breathing simpleton in the CRD? List a cheap weight bench on-line. It's that easy.

To answer the inevitable stupid questions in advance, I am adding the following information. READ IT:

1) No, I will not separate this set. If you just want the metal plates, the price is $50 and I will throw in the bench and other weights for free. If you just want the bench, see the previous statement, but switch "metal plates" with "bench". And so-on. You MUST take it all. I don't give a flying f*ck if you simply drive around the corner and throw whatever you don't want over my neighbour's fence into his pool. Actually, I would enjoy seeing that. But you must take everything. I don't want it, nor do I want to spend the next five years fielding questions like "do u still have that wate set? I only want wun ten pound wate" and "how much for just the clamps?"

2) I will not deliver this set. The whole reason I'm selling it is because I don't want to lift weights anymore. If I consent to deliver this stuff, I'll have to lift it, and that ain't gonna happen. So save your hard luck story about how your "dancer" girlfriend totaled your IROC on the way back from the tattoo parlour because her kids were fighting with your pitbulls who got into your meth, because I don't care. If you can't handle the simple task of actually getting to the point of sale, perhaps you haven't earned the right to participate in the free market economy. No, wait... I changed my mind. I will deliver this anywhere south of Nanaimo, for a $200 fee.

3) OBO doesn't mean offering some idiotic amount like $10 and then having the gall to ask if I'll deliver it (see #2). In fact, don't low-ball me before even coming to see the weights. Come here assuming they will cost you $50, or don't come. I won't consent to anything less than $50 for anyone who can't even get off his butt to get here. We can haggle once you arrive. And don't hold your breath. Actually, I will take less, but you have to come here to ask me.

4) I live in Brentwood Bay. It's in Central Saanich. If you can't find it on a map, I don't think you should be allowed to lift weights. No, it's not on a bus route. And at any rate, if you are able to carry this much stuff on the bus, you probably don't need to lift any more weights.

5) I swear to all that's holy that if I get even half the moronic, jugheaded inquiries I got last time I'm just going to take the whole lot to the dump, just to spite y'all.


* Location: Central Saanich
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

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